After reading the rather depressing ending of Hamlet, dear reader, you may be thinking that it was wrong of me to even show up in the first place and emphasize revenge to my emotionally unstable son. Perhaps you are even bitter or angry at the fact that I ruined his life and his sanity, no matter how directly or indirectly. While this is a perfectly legitimate argument, the fact that I was killed (by my own brother, too) and sent straight to Purgatory without a confessor is an excellent reason for me to return in the name of Justice. Plus, I couldn't bear to watch my son walk around in such ignorance and misery; telling him the truth would restore a sense of purpose to his life. By showing Hamlet the darkest aspects of Man's corrupt desires, I also prepared him to face sycophantic villains in his own future, should he ever meet any.
Another major reason for my appearance was to inform Hamlet of Gertrude's personal flaws, which, if unchecked, could have destroyed any dignity left in the Danish court. All along, I had been suspicious of Gertrude's "virtues" and "innocence"; her quick marriage to Claudius after my death confirmed my doubts about her. Knowing that Hamlet would try to kill her along with Claudius, I deprived her of such an easy punishment and forbade Hamlet from killing her, instead allowing her to live out every day of her life with excruciating guilt. In my opinion, this is a much more fitting punishment. Take, for example, my second appearance in Gertrude's bedroom as Hamlet is confronting her. My instructions to him about calming down and speaking more civilly to her were also part of my "guilt-trip" plan. For instance, is it better to drive your horse-carriage into one gigantic pit, eventually be rescued, and continue on your way unharmed? By Jove, I say not! 'Tis much more irritating to suffer small to mediocre potholes in the road every day you travel. I couldn't let Gertrude ultimately recover morally from one argument with Hamlet, or allow her to die quickly and possibly get to Heaven by some fluke. The most effective punishment is to plague this deceptive Jezebel with guilt of the highest degree.
There you have it, my friends--these are the reasons why it was absolutely necessary for me to act the way I did in Hamlet. Now, if only I can find a way to get to Heaven and persuade God to let me in...
